Healthy vs. Unhealthy Relationships

[Shun Bowling]

Many people strive for the "perfect relationship" The problem is there is no such thing as a "perfect relationship". There is only the illusion of a perfect relationship. This factor is one of many that contributes to an unhealthy relationship. People seek the illusion and are willing to sacrifice themselves to get it.

It is easy to blur the lines of between a healthy and unhealthy relationship. It is not unusual for a person to mistake a unhealthy relationship for a healthy one. The confusion stems from one's undying need for love, fear  of rejection and/or need to compensate for another area in which a person lacks in their life.

A healthy relationship should bring more happiness than stress in your life. Every relationship will have it's share of stress at times. The goal is to prevent prolonged mental stress on either member of the relationship. Healthy relationships are built from a strong foundation of respect. Respect is always a choice. As the age old saying goes "When you give respect, you get respect." Qualities like respect along with good communication, and honesty are the essential parts of a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is free from sexual violence, emotional abuse, and physical abuse.

A healthy relationship is characterized by:

• Taking care of yourself and having good self esteem
• Having activities separate from your partner
• Feeling free to express yourself
• Respecting each others individuality
• Having the ability to maintain positive relationships with friends and family
• Having the option to privacy
• Showing respect for sexual boundaries
• Resolving conflicts fairly

An unhealthy relationship is a little more difficult to identify. Many characteristics of an unhealthy relationship are confused with those of a healthy one. People in healthy relationships experience disagreements. The difference is in an unhealthy relationship the disagreements are present more often, aren't fought fair, and cause stress and pressure that is difficult to avoid. Characteristics of an unhealthy relationship are:

• Feeling pressured to change who you are to please your partner
• Having feelings of anxiety or worry when you have a disagreement with your partner
• You have to quit activities you enjoy
• You feel as though you have to justify your actions (where you go, what you wear, etc.)
• There is a lack of privacy
• You feel obligated to perform sexual acts you are not comfortable with
• Arguments are never settled fairly
• Arguments escalate to yelling or physical altercations
• The presence of manipulation or attempts to control
• You do not share any common friends, or your partner disrespects your family and friends
• There is an unequal control of resources ( money, food, car)

Relationships are a necessary part of healthy living. Whether it's acquaintances or romances relationships offer the potential to enrich our lives. Unfortunately, if misconstrued those same relationships can create extreme discomfort. In the case of an abusive relationship the end result could be serious harm.

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